Tuesday, March 6, 2012



Watch and learn. But on that dramatic day, I watched, learned, spoiled, lectured, tongue fight, almost got expelled, and tensed. It was sure a long journey for a Houseman like me.

"Three patients died this morning." I counted more or less, but there were still more people dying. I questioned myself, what makes most people died?Infections? Viruses?Immunity? Background family?Poverty? ... Broke up?

Non were the answers. My medical officers were also couldn't agree more. But something caught me so deeply taken, and that was one of the story that my grandfather had always wanted to tell me. Something that he asked me to read but until now, I hadn't enough time to spend sometimes with it. I always thought that I rather spend my time with the drugs, labs, patients,the smell of formalin and more doctors stuff than reading what is called, "The Heart"

19 March 1992,
The whole world darken and engulfed by the horror news of the history. I was there, standing in one corner, the lower limbs were tight to the floor and mind were busy searching for words. The world is superficial. If you have money, the minister can give you country. If you have money, he can give you glory. But if you gave your everything to the narrow minded people, you will off to suffer. I believe, money is everything to everyone but not to this heart, this innocence man. 
"Stop bluffing! I don't have a twin."
Silence filled the filthy atmosphere. I don't understand anything. I don't want to understand a thing. 

5 May 1992,
It was almost two months since the stranger 'intruded' inside this house. For what reasons he came, I didn't want to know. But he tried to make me understand that this whole mess had its own reasons. He kept on saying, "don't worry, this pain will go away. The one that will always remain stronger is always YOU because stronger people always last longer and forever."


Last week, I had bad stomach ache. I was in my office preparing myself for presentations as the company held a meeting with the ARMA's SDN. I tried to look for some panadols or anything to get rid of this bad feeling. I searched everywhere in case if there is  any medicine that can cure this stomach ache. It was driving me crazy because I started to ooze some blood from my nose and sweating. I drank of glass of water to let thirsty go away. Nothing. Nothing good came. Until I heard knock on the door.

"I bought panadols and ORS. Its good for your stomach." I looked up and sat upright to a position for comfortable. Tighten my butt to a proper sit and gave a long sigh.

I asked, "how did you know... How did you?" I lost words.

Arsyad came to me and said, "Aiman, I'm your twin."

I didn't satisfied of what he did instead I said, "you are only my past."

He put the plastic bag that full of medicine on my table  and quickly dashed out from my room without saying goodbye.

I wondered, did he get stomach ache too?

7 May 1992,
I was having my breakfast and heard foot steps from upstairs and more clearer sounds of rushing steps to the kitchen. Arsyad gave a warm morning wishes but I didn't reply. I hate to see his face everyday, with that almost fake smile that he tried to do every time we bumped to each other. I exclaimed loud, "when are you going to leave this house? We are not brothers." I gave a long sigh but he instantly grinned and said, "your gonna miss me brother." I was a bit pissed off and vexed, "I'm not your brother!" 

Mama was there but we didn't see her. 

When I was about to leave the kitchen, I heard cries from the hall room and gave a look of what happened. She was there, crying of something. It was almost three years that I haven't listen to that sobbing. She was a sober for 10 years. Crying for my biological father until today, that he gave more shocking news that I have a brother whom look exactly like me, acting,dressing, and talking just the way I used to be.

"You both already 26 years old! Big enough to think! Why can't you make up as good brothers?"

I lost words and so do Arsyad. But somehow he was quite clever to win my mum's heart. He moved to sit beside her, grabbed my mums shoulder and hug her real tight and keep on saying, "I'm sorry.I'm sorry" 

I lost to Arsyad again. The anger turned on.

12 Jan 1993,
He approached to me and said, "do you know when I find everything was so complicated, I tried to take a deep breath and shout out loud, haiiyah! And closed my eyes and praised to God that I'm great and I can do everything."

I ignored and left the conversation without ending and dashed out from the house. Even though I suffered from work pressure, I didn't need his help. Not even once.

Brothers are siblings, and siblings are miracle from God. 

I was tensed with work as I really need that position. I wanted to rule the company as much as everyone wanted to. In the meeting, I was scolded for many reasons. Not right schedule and all, and everything was a mess! Suddenly, without thinking, I took a deep breath and gave out loud, "haiiiyah!" And closed my eyes shut. I didn't realized my voice was that loud until each eyes were on me. My boss turned to me and exclaimed, "exactly Aiman! Good idea! Ohaiyo is a good place to start." Confused of what just happen, I smiled cheerfully followed with clapping and cheering from the meetings crowd. 

He had my heart. I had him. We are the twins. 

14 december 1994, 
it was only two years that we knew about each other. I started to like him. He amazed me with so many things. When I felt mad, he will know that feeling and calm me. If I had bruised which was punched by my colleagues, he came and gave some fight just to protect me. I was the troublemaker but he always turned everything back to its normal. I remembered that day when I found out that I hurt my chest. I went to see my doctor but it turned out to be normal. Even if I see cardiologist and did electrocardiography, the doctors result would be negative. I was normal. Even if I took some medicine the pain was still there. 

A heart is pure when you always have faith with everything. 

Then, I realised, it was not me that having the suffer, it was Arsyad.On that evening, I found him lying on the floor already passed out with pills all over his body and the carpet. I grabbed for the telephone and dialed the ambulance number. I started to give CPR or anything. I was noob with things like this as my basic practical was very poor. After half hours, the ambulance came and his body was driven off to the nearest hospital.

6 April 2000,
I visited my mum since I we leave at separate house. I already had a wife and two kids going crazy in their rooms. "Mama, I missed Arsyad." Mama cried and I did what Arsyad was once did to her.

I crawled to Mama, sit beside her, grabbed her shoulder and hug her tight and said, "I'm sorry.I'm sorry." We both cried out loud. He passed away after reaching the hospital and the doctors couldn't help with the survive. He died immediately at the hospital. 

I felt that I lost a heart. A heart of a true brother.


Now I realised that, not having a heart is the main core reasons of why people died. Without the heart, you couldn't be in love, work,play or live. 

Next time, when I see my patient, ill make sure myself to say, "PLEASE DO take a good care of your heart. Don't loose them. Without a heart, it can make one person suffer and died. Love your heart and always do love yourself."


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